Feelinq Veryy Sadd/Suiside Thoughts Lately ::: Help!!!?

The Only People i noe r the ones in school && myy family...I see how there r sum giirlsz hoo seem freakin' FLAWLESS && i wish i could b like them sooooo badd.... i always act like someone hoo isnt myself....i have fits everytime out of the blue... i feel initmitaded wen i see a "pretty" girl... you noe? the one wit perfect bodies perfect hair a pack of frends? yea... them..i wanna people to see the actuall side of me [wich is very deep && beautiful] instead all i show them is my aggresive, screaminq, meen, dum, hipocrite side... i noe this seems pretty deep && intense 4 a 14 yr old to b sayinq these thinqs but.....is this normal?